As a child of the 80s, I grew up with slap bracelets, pogo balls, and of course, the Nintendo Entertainment System. Still, nothing kept my little heart ticking like cartoons. I’m not too familiar with what’s popular now as far as cartoons go (Dora the Explorer?), but watching 1980s cartoons was the closest my pre-pubescent self got to an orgasm. Aside from the slick animation and great stories, it was the theme songs that made cartoons so enjoyable. Here are, in my opinion, the 10 best cartoon theme songs from the 1980s. These aren’t in any particular order, but I’m sure some moron will comment that [insert 80s cartoon here] should be #1.1. The Smurfs
My girlfriend likes this song so much that she insists I play it whenever we smurf.
2. Inspector Gadget
Wowsers! I can hardly type this sentence right now because I can’t sit still to this song. If the DJ played this at a club, I’d dash over to the first girl I saw and ask her to dance, and with a little luck, inspect her gadget. I’ve still never seen one in real life. *tear*
3. Ducktales
“Life is like a hurricane.” This theme is one that everyone knows, and the tune is irresistibly catchy. It’s the Herpes Simplex of cartoon theme songs.
4. Chip N Dale Rescue Rangers
It’s not nearly as catchy as the Ducktales theme, but the theme to Chip N Dale Rescue Rangers is pretty friggin good. Plus Gadget is a total babe.
5. Alvin & The Chipmunks
From one set of chipmunks to another, this theme is terrific. I love Alvin spelling out C-H-I-P-M-U-N-K in this song, blazing a trail for future emcees like Snoop D-O-double-G, U-S-H-E-R-R-A-Y-M-O-N-D, and countless others.
6. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Kick. Ass. It’s impressive enough to create a jingle consisting of “teenage mutant ninja turtles” that doesn’t suck, but this theme song is actually really good. I especially like the like the line, “Donatello does machines.” Is that a reference to the Sybian? Do you know what I’m talking about? No? Prude.
7. Muppet Babies
What’s long and green and smells like Miss Piggy?
Kermit’s finger.
8. Jem
If I could have sex with one song, it’d be the theme song to Jem, and the part where the Misfits sing is where I’d stick my penis.
9. Gummi Bears
Honestly, this may be the greatest cartoon theme song of all time. If I knew this song would be played at my funeral, I’d die with a smile on my face.
10. M.A.S.K.
No, not the movie with Cher and the deformed kid, silly.
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