Worst Gifts for Men:
#3 Dad t-shirt
Tell Dad exactly where he realistically stands when it comes to fatherhood.
Big Boy "full basket undergarment"
This "form fitting" (one size fits all) undergarment puts the bulges in all the right (or wrong, depending on the recipient) places.
Grow a Mistress
Give the gift of infidelity! When placed in water, this plastic "mistress" will grow to six times her original size. "She'll do whatever you want -- no questions asked." Shudder.
BackSPA personal groomer
Not only would giving this back hair remover be potentially insulting to the receiver, but its effectiveness is dubious, given it's less of a razor than it is a "back hair rake" with teeth that grab the hair before cutting. (Photos on the product's website inexplicably show its effectiveness on someone with no discernible body hair to begin with.)
Worst Gifts for Women:
Squirrel feet earrings
Guaranteed to make her squeal, these earrings are made of real freeze-dried taxidermist's squirrel feet. Also available as a necklace.
Sanicare portable bidet
"Portable bidet allows everyone to be fresh and clean anytime, anywhere!"
Diamond ring key chain
Give this key chain, packaged in a ring box, to your longtime girlfriend if you want to see how quickly 911 will respond to a stabbing.
Enema bag and buttocks pin
Imagine the looks she'll get wearing this anus-and-enema bag ensemble on her lapel. And she'll never forget who gave it to her. Also available: colon, penis, sperm, uterus and fetus.
Worst Gifts for Kids:
Road Kill Toys
These cuddly animals have the stuffing coming out of them -- and by "stuffing" we mean innards. The critters come flattened with tire marks and squishy internal organs that can be pulled outside of the carcass through zips that line both sides of the body, in order to replicate a close encounter with a speeding vehicle. Take your choice of raccoon, rabbit, hedgehog or weasel.
Electronic Spin the Bottle
At last, parents can stop worrying that their children are using a "gross empty bottle" while playing spin the bottle unsupervised in the basement. This electronic version spins on a base and emits a light beam on the person "chosen" to perform the 130 commands, programmed in three categories: truth, dare or kiss. Ages 9 and up.
KKK temporary tattoo
Only one British pound gets you this pack of temporary tattoos, featuring a wolf, a dragon, a...lizard impaled on a nail? And a Ku Klux Klan grand wizard??? In the tattoo maker's defense, at least the KKK member is on fire. Ages 5 and up.
Little Angel knives
You're never too young to start playing with utility knives.
Pole Dancer doll
This pole dancing doll, which goes both up and down AND around the pole, is not only fun, but it also exposes children to a wider range of vocational options.
Stuffed naked Hitler doll
This anatomically correct doll from German artist Borris Hoppek brings out the softer, nuder side of Adolph Hitler.
Child's t-shirt with tassels
We're not sure what's more outrageous: this infant's t-shirt (ages 0 to 6 months) with nipple tassels or the fact that it costs over 500 British pounds.
Designer Beaver
Based on the Wooly Willy toy that uses a magnet to manipulate iron filings into "facial hair" on a blank face, this British parody focuses on a woman's nether regions, allowing you to shape "topiary" styles like the Amazon Jungle, the Brazilian, the Bermuda Triangle, the Charlie Chaplin, the Valentine and the George Bush (ba-dum-chhh).
Joke Breasts
What better way to teach your children that breasts are toys than to give them miniature stick-on boobs? Ages 5 and up.
Future Gynecologist child's t-shirt
Because children don't get enough opportunities to be ostracized at school.
Swastika racing game
Subliminal hate for only $1!
GIANT Microbes
With these adorable stuffed diseases, every kid will want the swine flu! Also available: bird flu, mad cow disease, Ebola, West Nile virus, herpes, HIV, gonnorhea, chlamydia and more!
Gifts Equally Offensive to All:
Jesus light switch
Please don't turn Jesus on.
Fetus cookie cutter
Perhaps worse than the product itself is the website's pun about having "one in the oven."
Nothing
Why not just give someone the finger?
Personal urn
What better way creep someone out than to present them with an urn shaped like a deceased loved one's decapitated head, with a removable cranium for storing ashes? Bonus: wigs are available.
Gummi lighthouses
Who knew there was a demand for gummi candy shaped like...um, lighthouses?
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